i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
