No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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