Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
