I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
