if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
we're making bets on your personal life
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
