the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I touched a dick in church today
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
