We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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