The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize