TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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