office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
