And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
