I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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