K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
