i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
