Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
