I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize