i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
