3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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