remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
now i know why i became what i already was.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
