i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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