I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
