i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
