Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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