Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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