Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
