I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
