Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
