So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
