I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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