He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
