I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
