The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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