mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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