Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
