Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
How's work?
Spinning.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
