I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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