Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
