Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
