I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The feeling are messing with the penis
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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