Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
