I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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