you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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