We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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