guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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