There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
