she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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