Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
