tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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