someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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