what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
