I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
