There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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