I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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