We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
