I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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