i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he was CRYING into my vagina
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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