Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
