Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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