Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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