pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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