This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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