I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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