Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
