i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
