I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
