I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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