Yo dont text me then not text me
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
