I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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