its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize