You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
