u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize