Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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