Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
