I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
