sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
