I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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